Kepulangan :)

hiyaaa peepsss~ gahh im back after sooooo longg ! soo do you guys miss me? xD i bet not. i'm not even sure there are peeps who read my blog... to be exact im PRETTY SURE no one reads my blog !  mine is such boring and not fun to read to. haha. i know, you dont hve to tell me... gahh, im talking like im with someone.. im such a pathetic arent i? xD i admit tht too. haha but IT IS a true fact though.. and i dnt mind admitting it.

ok so during those times i was on hiatus, a lot of things had happened.. and when i say a lot, i mean A LOT.. there were happy things, sad stuffss, stressful things, embarrasing stuffs, confusing things and so on. therefore, in other words it consisted of many differrent kinds of feelings during this almost 2 months tht i was missing.

i gotta say... i am quite a good actor myself. :) haha perasan. xD i managed to pretend nothing's goin on. and tht im fine and nothing's bothering me at all. i managed to put a smile despite evrythin tht had hppnd. (although there were few moments werei cudnt handle it and ending up collapsed) after all, by just smiling, it could make us feeling better. and others feeling better too.

there were times where i cried so hard... laughed soo hard... being excited soo hard, feeling scared and nervous so hard.. being in confusion so hard... (evrythin with 'so hard' at the back xD) i guess tht's wht you'll face once you're a teenager. and next year i'll be a pre-adult, and stepping into the real world... god knows wht'll hppn next year n the following years. probably even much more of wht i'd experienced so far.

i gotta admit that............ im scared. im scared tht i mite not succeed in going thru it. im scared tht i mite fallen to the wrong path. im scared tht i mite dissapoint evryone. im scared tht somehow i mite gonna turn my back on someone. im scared tht i mite not b the person i am now. im scared if things wont go the way i thought it'll go. im pretty much scared of evrything.

i frequently asked ONE question to myself  ' will i survive in the real world where evrythin is not like wht i thought of when i was a kid ? ' and for now... only 3 answers i can think of. which are MAYBE, IDK and NO and definitely there's no a definite yes in my list of answers for tht question. you guys can say tht im a coward or anything you want... coz i'll never deny it. again, it's a true fact.


but then, i seriously hope i'll be ready pyhsically and mentally and courageous enough by the time im stepping into the real world. please pray tht i'll do well in both, dunyaa and aakhirah. :) and surely i'll pray the best for all of you too. :)

- i hope i'll have this kind of courage later on -